


I'm Jealous of the Rain

by The_Jade_Samurai



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Broken Hearts, F/M, Not A Happy Ending, One Shot, This was fucking hard to write, Unrequited Love, Well sort of happy but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 01:57:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12201609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Samurai/pseuds/The_Jade_Samurai
Summary: Jon runs away when Sansa gets engaged to Harry Hardyng.





	I'm Jealous of the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck, this was so hard to write but I could not not write this. I apologise if I make you cry.
> 
> This is not a story with a happy ending, you are warned…
> 
> Title of the story taken from Labyrinth's song 'Jealous.'

The penthouse apartment in the Longclaw Hotel was one of many estates owned by the Stark family, but it was Jon’s personal home, gifted to him by Ned and Cat for his twenty-first birthday. It came with rooftop access that Robb and Arya always used for their big parties, much to Jon’s displeasure but couldn’t really complain about. A great view of the city of Winterfell, open space for himself, his dog Ghost and any visitors that might stop by, complete with the latest in entertainment technology. For three years Jon had thought it was his home, his own private source of solitude.

Jon ignores the phone as it goes off again, and ignores the voicemail of Arya demanding that he pick up the phone NOW! and sits down on his couch with a glass of water in one hand and some painkillers in the other. He settles down into his couch and grunts, feeling his eyes slide closed to sleep.

His peace is disturbed however when he hears the doorbell ring. Groaning in annoyance, Jon gets up off his couch in front of the TV and walks over to the door. He groans again and opens the door, hoping it isn’t someone like Arya or Robb. As much as he loves those two Jon isn’t in the mood today to be dealing with them, still nursing a hangover from last night’s party.

His annoyance (and hangover) disappears in nanoseconds when he opens the door to reveal Sansa, and Jon’s breath catches in his throat.

Best friends since primary school, Jon and Sansa had been inseparable. Wherever one was, the other was bound to follow not long after. Like twins, many outsiders said, and Jon as a boy could not have agreed more. She was his closest confidant, sharing their deepest secrets with each other, sneaking off to do stupid things, and Jon would not have had it any other way.

Until high school. Now, he was maddeningly in love with her, and most of the Starks knew it, but he never had the guts to admit his feelings to Sansa, worried that she would reject him and it would ruin their friendship forever.

“Still got a hangover?” asks Sansa, and her voice is definitely the cure for a headache, Jon thinks.

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure Arya spiked my drink with something,” grumbles Jon, and his comment elicits a laugh from Sansa. “I noticed you weren’t at the party.”

“I was out with Harry,” says Sansa, and Jon doesn’t notice how her eyes light up at the mention of his name, because he looks down to hide his angry face from Sansa’s gaze.

Harry Hardyng, the bane of Jon’s existence. Sansa and Harry started dating a few months ago, and Jon had been unable to admit to Sansa how he felt about her because of it. The other Starks did not mind Harry, but Robb was pretty vocal in saying that he thought Jon was better with Sansa.

“Oh? And what did Harry offer that made you not want to come to...” Jon’s voice trails off when he sees the glimmering golden ring on Sansa’s finger, with a small diamond set right in the middle.

“I’m getting married!” squeals Sansa, and Jon feels numb all of a sudden.

He barely has time to register anything before Sansa launches herself into Jon’s arms, and Jon manages to wrap his arms around her small waist to catch her.

“So you’re hear to give me the good-” (BAD) “-news?” says Jon, allowing Sansa to step into his apartment.

“Uh huh!” says Sansa excitedly. Jon smiles, but it feels fake on his lips. How could he be happy?

“That’s great! Congratulations!” he says anyway, and moves into his kitchen to grab a couple of glasses and a bottle of wine. “Want some?”

“Oh no. I can’t, sorry,” says Sansa, completely oblivious to Jon’s mood. “I have to head home to see Mum and Dad, but I just wanted to give you this.” She pulls out an envelope, some of that real expensive stuff that Jon hates but Sansa loves and holds it out for him to take. Jon takes it and gives a small glance. He notices how the letters are written in gold, and Jon feels his jaw clench in anger.

“An invitation? Boy that was quick,” he says anyway, his voice laden with false amusement.

“I did it last night as soon as I got home after Harry proposed to me,” says Sansa. “I wanted you to be the first person invited to my wedding. Harry didn’t want me to do it so soon but I told him that you deserved to be the first”

“What an honour,” drawls Jon, and he flinches when he sees Sansa’s face fall.

“Are you okay? You’re being more broody than usual,” she says concernedly, and Jon hates how her soft voice stabs him in the heart like a dagger.

“Sorry, I’m not feeling well today,” he says to explain his quickly deteriorating mood.

“I understand,” says Sansa. “I’ve gotta go, I’ll see you later?”

“Sure Sans,” mumbles Jon. Sansa gives him one last smile before she closes the door behind her as she leaves.

Jon looks down at the envelope still in his shaking hands. His face contorts to a scowl and he rips open the expensive paper and yanks open the letter.

_To Jon Snow,_

_You are hereby invited to celebrate the marriage between Sansa Stark and Harold Hardyng..._

Jon skips over the formal shit and his eyes focus on the more private message underneath.

_Jon,_

_Words cannot describe how happy I feel right now. I feel a little guilty though because I feel like I’m abandoning you while I take this next step in my life._

_That’s why I’m asking you to be my ‘best man’, I guess that’s what you call it. That’s right, I’m not having a maid of honour because you’re the only person who I want to stand by my other side while I’m married to the love of my life._

_Of course you’re invited to bring a plus one, I’ve heard that Ygritte is single ;)_

_Love you Jon,_

_Sansa._

Jon looks down at the letter, rereading the letter over and over again for a few more seconds before he rips it to pieces in a frenzy.

“FUCK!” bellows Jon, and he throws the bottle of wine across the room, where it shatters against the pearly white wall opposite him in a shower of glass and wine, staining the wall with red liquid that looks like dripping blood. He throws the two glasses he took out next, then walks over to his study desk and flips it, smashing the laptop and sending books and pieces of paper flying everywhere.

It wasn’t enough though, so Jon throws the TV remote and it breaks apart against the wall, leaving a small dent where it collided. He then starts punching the wall he was closest to, his fists smashing right through again and again until his knuckles are bleeding. Jon opens up his fridge and grabs all the alcohol he could find, cracking open a beer can and sculling the whole thing down, then sinks to the floor as tears overwhelm him finally.

Arya barges into Jon’s apartment later that day, ready to give him an earful about not returning her calls, but she stops when she finds him, still crouched where he fell and surrounded by empty beer cans. He’s still holding a half-empty on his one hand, but he’s too drunk to drink it properly as it spills all down his chin and shirt. Arya takes note of his destroyed apartment, but ignores it in favour of getting down on her knees in front of him.

“You heard, didn’t you?” asks Arya quietly, and all Jon can do is nod.

“I was too late,” Jon whispers despairingly.

“Oh Jon,” says Arya, and she pulls the man she considers another brother into a hug, not caring that he was sobbing into her shirt and that she would probably reek of alcohol later.

* * *

Sansa doesn’t hear from Jon at all during the three months leading up to her wedding, and she’s beginning to get frustrated. He hasn’t shown up to the wedding rehearsals, didn’t come to the engagement party, and is now running late to her bloody wedding.

Of all the people in Sansa’s family and friends, Jon was the only one who seemed to be happy for her. Robb, Arya and Bran were all furious when she announced it to the family, and Arya had disappeared to make some phone calls to somebody urgently. Mum and Dad had smiled and offered their congratulations, but Sansa could tell that they did not approve of Harry, and never had. Rickon had straight up asked why she wasn’t marrying Jon instead.

When she had asked Robb about Jon’s sudden disappearance, all he did was shrug and shoot Harry a hateful look before saying, “Ask him yourself.”

Sansa had already tried that for months now, calling him a million times over the three months and coming over to his house, but he never picked up and was never home. Now, just as her wedding is about to begin, Sansa is beginning to panic. She doesn’t time to though, because the wedding is forced to start without Jon, and she leaves her dressing room. Her anger is forgotten as she walks down the aisle on Dad’s arm, and she ignores the murderous looks by Robb and Arya sent Harry’s way. This is her day, and she won’t let anything spoil it, not even her best friend’s lack of appearance.

It all goes to plan, and soon Sansa Stark is now Sansa Hardyng. The reception is beautiful, and she has a chance to dance and eat as much as she can. She dances with Dad, who has tears in his eyes, as well as with Bran and Rickon, and Harry of course. She doesn’t get to dance with Robb, because he vanishes as soon as the dancing starts and isn’t seen for a long time afterwards. Arya looks like she’s ready to kill someone, and Mum looks on at Sansa and Harry sadly.

Sansa is suddenly overcome with sadness because Jon still hasn’t shown up, and probably never will, and she walks outside onto the balcony to get some air. She tries to hold back her tears as best she can and down a flute of champagne.

“Sansa?” calls out a soft voice, and Sansa turns around to see Mum looking at her with that same sad look.

“Jon didn’t come,” says Sansa, and Mum’s face looks understanding. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“Yes,” says Mum, and Sansa looks at her incredulously.

“You do? And you didn’t tell me why?” she demands.

“Because Jon didn’t want us to tell you,” answers Mum, and now Sansa is suddenly feeling confused. “He’s gone to join the army,” continues Mum, answering her silent question.

“What?!” Sansa says loudly. Jon never told me that. “I thought he was studying law?”

“Being here was too painful for Jon,” says Mum.

“Painful?” repeats Sansa. Why was Jon in pain? Had something happened to him that he had to leave? And why didn’t he tell her?

“You didn’t know, did you?” says Mum, but her question sounds more like she’s pointing something out.

“Didn’t know what?” asks Sansa, fearing her mother’s answer. Mum’s eyes fill with tears as she opens her mouth up to speak.

“Sansa, Jon is in love with you,” she says. It feels like someone has kicked Sansa in the stomach. No, it can’t be... “He’s loved you since you were kids, but he couldn’t stand to be here,” continues Mum.

“Jon... he- he loved me?” says Sansa, because it feels like the only thing she can say.

Suddenly everything makes sense; Mum and Dad’s disapproving looks at Harry, Robb and Arya’s flaring tempers and outright hatred towards Sansa’s new husband, and Rickon’s funny questions. Fuck, even Jon’s funny reaction when she told him she was getting married now makes sense.

“Oh fuck,” mutters Sansa, “that’s why none of you like Harry. You all knew!”

“I’m so sorry,” whispers Mum.

“For what? My best friend was in love with me and now he’s gone off to get himself killed because he hates me now!” shouts Sansa, glaring down at her mother, who now looks so small and frightened.

“Sansa?” It’s Harry’s voice, and he looks concerned as his eyes dart between and and Mum. “It’s almost time to go.”

“Right,” says Sansa curtly, and she draws herself up before following Harry back inside.

* * *

_Dear Jon. I know you never answer any of my letters to you, and probably never will, but I have to tell you about some things that have happened._

_Firstly, I know I’ve said it a thousand times, but I am so, so sorry for causing so much pain. Gods, I’m so stupid to have not seen it. My whole family could see it! What kind of friend does that make me? I hope you can forgive me for that._

_Secondly, Harry and I are no longer together. My guilt about how I treated you has caused a rift in my marriage and Harry has left. He said he can’t stay with a woman who’s clearly in love with someone else._

_You read it right. I know it sounds like a ploy to get you to come back home but it’s true. I’ve done a lot of self-reflection these past couple of months since the divorce, and everything makes sense now. You’ve always been the most constant in my life, and the one who understands me the most. Fuck, I’m so stupid!_

_I love you Jon Snow, and I need you to come home please._

_All my love, Sansa Stark._

Jon folds his newest letter from Sansa and puts inside the shoebox, where all the other letters are kept. For the first time since he left, Jon feels the pull to come back home to Winterfell, instead of being across the Narrow Sea killing terrorists in Volantis.

He won’t go, he can’t. Sansa could be lying about her love for him for all Jon knows. He’s done well for himself in the army since he left the North four years ago, and he’s felt like he’s finally found his place in the world. But now? Now he doesn’t know. Actually he does know. After this mission, which is the last before he can retire and go home, he’s going straight back home to Sansa.

“Captain? We’re ready,” says Tormund, poking his head in Jon’s door.

“I’ll be there in a second,” says Jon, and he quickly pulls that letter out and stows it in his breast pocket before grabbing his assault rifle and following Tormund out.

_I’m coming home Sansa._

* * *

Sansa is in the kitchen when she hears the doorbell ring, but ignores it when Arya calls out that she’s got it. It had been a month since she moved back into Winterfell manor with her parents and the rest of her family, minus Robb who had moved in with his wife Jeyne into Jon’s old apartment, and a month since she sent her last letter to Jon, but she wasn’t expecting him to answer. He never did.

Sansa is disrupted from her thoughts when she hears Arya’s scream.

“NO! NO HE ISN’T YOU’RE LYING!” shrieks Arya, and Sansa rushes out of the kitchen and to the front door, where Arya has fallen to her knees and wailing loudly. At the door stands a man dressed in a military uniform with a pained expression on his face.

“What’s going on?” asks Sansa, taking a tentative step forward.

“You must be Sansa. Jon always spoke about you,” answers the soldier.

“Who are you?Why are you here? Why is my sister crying?” demands Sansa now, feeling fear creep into her heart.

“Jon... he-” Grenn swallows thickly, his dark eyes beginning to glisten with unshed tears.

“No,” whispers Sansa.

“I’m so sorry,” says Grenn. “He was about to come home, said something about marrying the woman he’d been in love with since he was a boy.” Grenn’s voice seems so far away now.

“He wanted to marry me?” cries Sansa.  _He wanted to marry me!_

“I think so,” answers Grenn.

“Thank you,” says Sansa, feeling so numb as she closes the door in the poor soldier’s face. She ignores the crying of the rest of her family in the lounge, where Arya had retreated to and climbs up the staircase to her bedroom, and it isn’t until she closes and locks the door to her room that Sansa finally falls to the ground and begins to cry.

_I was too late._

* * *

A few days later, after Jon is finally laid to rest, Ned Stark finds his eldest daughter dead in her room, looking as though she were asleep were it not for the tear streaks down her face.

The doctors come back to the distraught Stark family, and tell them that Sansa’s heart failed her and she passed away in her sleep. Apparently her heart could not take the stress of losing Jon, or in other words, Sansa died of a broken heart.

Sansa’s cause of death was oddly comforting to the Starks, because they knew that she was with her soul mate again, and Jon was finally complete. After all, soul mates belong together.

**Author's Note:**

> Dying of a broken heart is a real thing. Hope that never happens to me...


End file.
